Coming to Terms With the Binge Monkey
Today I've been struggling with the urge to eat Trader Joe's High Fiber Cereal. This is something that I allow myself to eat in measured amounts. This morning I had 140 grams of frozen peaches mixed with 170 grams of low fat yogurt and topped with 40 grams of of TJ's HFC. For lunch I had 140 grams of frozen blueberries mixed with 225 grams of nonfat cottage cheese and topped with another 40 grams of TJ's HFC. I've been fighting the urge for more TJ's HFC. An unmeasured huge bowl. This would tempt the binge monkey.
Last night, I had a medium sized bowl of the stuff following an ample dinner. The binge monkey let me slide. I was able to walk away and hide in bed with a novel until I could legitimately rise for my somewhat deserved sweet indulgence. But I know that I can't begin a pattern of tempting the binge monkey.
The binge monkey and I are coming to terms in large part because of a comment Lord Chubalot made to my previous post. In that comment, which I first dismissed, Lord Chubalot suggested that I forget about tracking weight for awhile and instead track my binges. What has emerged as this idea has evolved for me is a whole new way of dealing with food. I continue to weigh my food (and myself). I continue to eat the same sorts of things I've been eating before on my on track days. What I'm doing differently is not recording my daily points or the points I've consumed at each meal. I'm allowing myself a mid-afternoon piece of fruit if I really want it. I'm allowing myself an ear of corn without trying to figure how it will effect my daily points. I'm allowing myself 120 grams of Breyers' ice cream before I go to bed without having to calculate the number of points contained in the homemade soup I had for dinner. These new freedoms, within the framework of 3 meals, a late afternoon snack, and an evening dessert, mean that an on track day could be one in which I consume 28 or 29 points. At such a level, I will lose weight very slowly and may not be able to get down to my goal weight. This is not good. On the other hand, my recent high of 173 put me back to my weight of 12/3/04 after Matt and I returned from our 3 month RV trip. It also put me 8 1/2 pounds higher than my most recent low of 164.5 (5/9/06) . Given this pattern, getting rid of the weight very slowly is not a bad thing at all. Beyond that, while I'm free to consume more points than I've previously allowed myself, I certainly don't have to.
Lord Chubalot suggested that I look to the sources of my binges. One of which I've been aware seems to be more intense than I'd realized. I DON'T LIKE having to limit myself. At a very primitive level I'm enraged that I can't eat in abundance whatever I want to eat whenever I want to eat it. Without consequences of course. The binge monkey and I haven't completely worked this out. But we have agreed that I can have corn on the cob for dinner without having to give up something else.
Lord Chubalot was right about tracking my binges. Staying on track, except for the binges, is not difficult for me. I like fruits and vegetables. I don't normally choose high fat foods. Even my binges have been frequently triggered by foods that are healthful. Such things as apples and high fiber cereal. The modifications I've made to the way I'm defining an on track day eliminate the binge trigger of scarcity. If I can have that 4 p.m. apple, I don't have to choose between deprivation and staying on track. I therefore don't allow that part of me which is healthy to be taken over by that which is infantile, greedy, and insatiable.
For the last week, I've considered a binge free day to be and on track day. Yesterday morning the scale said 168 pounds. The binge monkey and I seem to have come to terms. As you can see, he's no longer on my back. He may climb back on when I feel too tired to deal with him, but I think my new tools may get him to loosen his grip.
posted by ArleneWKW at 9:45 PM
7 Comments:
That's a funny photo! You look great, btw.
That binge monkey looks sweet, but we all know that sweet stuff puts on the pounds fast.
Great Picture!
Good for you. Keep it up.
TheThe National Weight Control Registry has an interesting research article which says that overweight people who have a "medical event trigger" take off more weight, and keep off more weight, than those who have non-medical triggers or no triggers at all.
I think one of the problems I had with losing weight was that I had no really compelling reason to lose - I thought I was home free because I had great blood work: low cholesterol and triglicerides etc. Then I woke up in the ICU. The perception you are a candidate for death is compelling.
One reason motivation is so tough I think, is because neither the mass media nor one's doctors really lay it on the line the way they do with smoking. Despite the great hue and cry over obesity, the dehibilitating effects of the results of obesity: heart failure, pulmonary hypertension, sleep apnea etc are not laid out and hammered home over and over agin.
Believe me, the reality of these conditions hit home when you have them.
So you really have to ask yourself - do you want to wait for a "medical event", or do you want to prevent a 'medical event"? Unfortunately, I think the question is too abstract to be a real motivator until it's too late.
I went through many of the same things as you, and all I can say is that I don't miss them anymore. I will say that I don't think the points system helps the situation, but that is probably just personal perception.
by the way, just to follow up, I would binge too if I kept binge food in the house. The list of things I never keep in the house include:
ice cream
fresh baked bread
more than one can of spam
more than 8oz of cold cuts
box of crackers, chips etc
more than one meal's worth of steak
the list goes on, but you get the idea. what I do keep is anything that has to be prepared or thawed.
that way I don't ever go hungry, but I never really load up either. I am am prepared for it to be this way for the rest of my life.
Cover me when I run
Cover me through the fire
Something knocked me out' the trees
Now I'm on my knees
Cover me, darling please
Monkey, monkey, monkey
Don't you know when you're going to shock the monkey.
- Peter Gabriel
Thanks Spider63 and TTM. The photo was taken recently when we I went to Gibralter where the monkeys run wild.
Sir Squishy: Peter Gabriel!!! I saw him when he was in Northern California. Thanks for finding that song.
Really Too Big: Thanks for your comments. It's always interesting to see how others deal with this major challenge that we all face. Thankfully I haven't had to wait for a "medical event" to motivate me. At my current weight of 167, such an event would more likely be caused by my yoyoing (riding the weight elevator up and down). From late 2001 through about April 2003, I got
rid of over 65 pounds with Weight Watchers. The point system which is a part of that program worked well for me at the time. By Sept. 2005, I'd regained all but 7 pounds. I was and am extremely glad that I was at least able to hold onto that 7 pound loss. At my current weight, I'm likely to yoyo back to 192 and beyond if I don't head further downward. I'm glad that you've found a workable way to deal with your "binge foods." I could easily binge on such things as TJ's High Fiber cereal, apples, and cottage cheese. The only way for me to get rid of my binge foods would be to only keep root beer and anchovies in the house. That said, I enjoy your comments and hope you'll continue to make them.
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