Dorment Options

Welcome to my blog Sir Man Boobs, Sir Squishy and Sir Lee Padthaiserver. And good to see you again Twice the Man, Esquire, Sir Chubalot, and Spider63. I very much appreciate all your comments.

I'm extending my ramblings about options. One of the things that happened when I successfully lost 65+ pounds was that certain options became dorment. For example, when my hubby and I went to Alisal, a central California resort where meals are included and sumptuous desserts are served with every dinner, I ordered fresh fruit. Cakes and such had become non-food items to me. I would no more consider eating them than I'd consider eating the napkins on the table.

My decision to get rid of the regain should end the matter of making food decisions about sumptuous desserts, soft-serve on the run, and the like. When I allow myself to decide and redecide such things, I am playing with a powerful temptress. By winning only a fraction of the time, she has brought me from 127 pounds back to 185.

All of this doesn't mean that I can't have my indulgences. The Weight Watcher food plan that I follow is generous in all respects. I can eat just about anything if I plan for it. I just don't get to be spontaneous with food entertainment.

Twice the Man said that I'd "made the right choice and created the wiser habit" with regards to last Thursday's temptation. That's the direction in which I hope I'm heading. I want my self discipline to become so habitual that I no longer even hear the temptress much less give in to her.

Habit

On Thursday, a temptation. A couple blocks away from the place where I do my glass fusing is Berry's Market. One of the things they sell is do-it-yourself soft serve. Sof serve is way up there in my toy food hierarchy. I'd spent the better part of the day arranging my Burning Man pendants in the kiln when I started playing with the idea of stopping at Berry's on my way home. Soft serve is not a mega calorie item, I told myself - ignoring the likelihood that, even if the indulgence was slight, it could easily get me off track. It's not without good reason that I identify myself as a binge eater. And then it hit me: If I made that first stop at Berry's for soft serve, it would become an option. And having become an option, it could become a habit. I munched on the apple that I'd brought with me as I drove past Berry's on the way home.

After my most recent binge, the scale had bounded up to 174 . . . What a bore!
This morning, it was 172.5. I try not to pay too much attention to the number, yet given my recent flakiness in maintaining my focus, I'm thinking that breaking the 70's barrier will be a major milestone.

On another note, thank you to my on-line supporters. You have no idea how much knowing that you're there motivates me. Or maybe you do. Anyway, I very much appreciate your comments Twice the Man, Sir Chubalot, Spider63, and Sir Semisolid.

Okay Today I REALLY Return to Disciplined Eating

No more dreary brilliant insights as to why I got off track - again! I am back and will be making some changes. That is all and, for now, it is enough.

Binge and Recovery

Another relatively benign binge on Saturday night: Breyers Light Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream and rice cakes. I let myself fall from grace because of a combination of much tiredness and a stupid video. A resolution: to avoid stupid videos; to have Matt mute them if he still want to watch while I read, do sudoku, or get off the couch and on to something else.

I was not feeling well yesterday. Let's just say that prune juice and a degree of nausea was involved. So, given that I'm getting rid of a regain and have a warped relationship with food, what did I do? Binge, of course!

Today I returned to disciplined eating. Today is all that counts now.

A Break through

My new way of dealing with meals out is a breakthrough. Counting last night's dinner at Pamposh as 8 points allowed me to enjoy an excellent restaurant meal without breaking stride or feeling deprived by self imposed restrictions. When we returned home from the Rialto, I had a cup of Breyer's Light Mint Chocolate Chip as planned. I've not yet weighed myself, but feel very much on track. The message of the scale will be irrelevant.

A Weight Retrospective

I stayed up waaay to late last night and got munchy. I finished the asparagus and the green beans. This morning I weighed 171.5. Tonight Matt and I will celebrate our Valentine's day 18th anniversary at an Indian restaurant. I'll most likely have daal and nan, yummy. We may also split an appetizer. Then on to the Rialto to see Transamerica. I'll have dessert at home, either a cup of Breyer's Light Mint Chocolate or yogurt (sans aspertame and the like) with frozen blueberries. I'm feeling very much on track and comfortable with my most recent food decisions.

A Weight Retrospective (using my at home scales)
10/22/01 - 192
7/22/02 - 140
4/07/03 - 126.5
6/21/04 - 152.5
1/13/05 - 175 ("New Start" at Weight Watchers)
4/14/05 - 169
5/19/05 - 174 (last time I went to a Weight Watchers meeting)
9/27/05 - 185
2/17/06 - 171.5

In Charge and Feeling Competent

172 this morning. I remember when I'd reached 127 in 2003. Dyslexic as I am and in moments of careless thinking, I thought of myself as weighing 172. So here I am again and the elevator is going down from 185. 172 becomes a good number. And a relief.

I got into a relatively benign binge mode on Tuesday. I attributed my self indulgence to the decision I'd made to wean myself off of artificial sweeteners. Also to attending a 6-9 p.m. sewing class. During class I remembered that I'd not has my usual cottage cheese lunch. The lunch I'd had instead had not been as satisfying. This might have weakened my resolve.

On Wednesday, the scale said 171.5. I knew that I'd be challenged by the schedule I'd set for myself, but felt a sense of inner strength. I ended up doing something that not only worked out well for the day, but also sets up a paradigm that I'm likely to continue following. I had a responsible lunch in a restaurant that I like, and counted it as 6 points without reference to whatever the actual points may have been. From now on when I eat out, I'll count breakfasts and lunches as 6 points, dinners as 8 points. This will allow me greater freedom in eating out without feeling either that I have to "pay back" the extra points I consume or that, having "transgressed," I might as well eat without restraint for the rest of the day.

Finally, regarding the artificial sweetner decision: I have found very viable substitutions, particularly with regard to stevia. Also with regard to being willing to consume more calories in order to still have good taste in such things as fat free yogurt. For anyone reading this who is unfamiliar with some of the concerns with artificial sweeteners, I recommend the following article: Sugar substitutes and the potential dangers of Splenda Although this was written by an OB/GYN NP and appears on a site called Women to Women, the information is also relevant to men and discusses the dangers of all the major artificial sweeteners, not just Splenda.

More Normal Fluctuation

The scale said 173.5 this morning. Of course all of these numbers are just a distractions and deserve little attention from me. A healthier attitude is that it's my job "to do the program" and the numbers will take care of themselves. Still, there are certain milestones to which I look forward. Like the scale saying 172 and then 171 and onwards. 167 will be a good milestone when I reach it on the journey down, although it was a sucky milestone on the way back up.

This will be a busy week-end and I'll probably not be posting again until Tuesday.

Normal Fluctuation

The lying scale said 175 today. Normal fluctuation rather than an incursion by The Enemy. I'm unconcerned and will carry on like a good soldier in the war against fat.

Anticipating and Preparing for Challenges

In order to meet the challenge of last night's break in routine. I ate a cup of cottage cheese with Fiber One on the way to class and brought with me two apples, one for a mid-class break and one for eating on the way home. As it turned out, class ended early and I ate neither of the apples. Instead I had a typical evening dessert of frozen blueberries mixed with blueberry yogurt and topped with Kashi GoLean. Yummy. Today my weight returned to 173. Whoop eeeee!!!

Having decided to decrease my intake of artificial sweeteners, I discovered that I'm perfectly fine with unsweetened cottage cheese. This was my traveling lunch today along with an apple. I put this hurridly together in the morning rush of getting ready for my glass fusing class. I ate it while running errands. I almost decided not to prepare lunch at all, then realized that would be setting myself up for failure. Anticipating challenges and doing what I can to minimize their impact is an important part of a successful weight loss strategy.

Nutritional Changes

This morning, on the Ronn Owens' show, I heard a nutritionist whom I've heard before. Unlike previous times, I found myself taking more seriously some of his advice. As a result, I've decided to make the following changes:

1. I'll start taking fish oil softgels, 4/day each containing 1ooo mg. concentrated" fish oil with 300
mg. Omega-3 fatty acids. This will add 40 calories/1 point to my daily total. My evening
desserts will continue, but I'll scale this back as necessary.

2. I'll substantially reduce my intake of artifical sweeteners. For now, I'll continue to drink diet
soft drinks, use up the boxes of diet pudding currently in the pantry, and keep eating "light"
yogurt. I'll eliminate sweetening of any kind in my coffee and substitute a half tablespoon of
sugar for the Equal that I've been adding to my almost daily cup of cottage cheese.

3.I'll start taking walks. Soon. The weather has really been getting nice, was in fact awesome
today. I've got no excuse to be in non-compliance with this part of a healthful life style.
I'm down to one antihistimine a night and my energy level seems to have improved. I know
the benefits of even moderate exercize, one of which is to raise one's metabolism.

Tonight I'll be challenged by a disruption in my routine. I'm beginning a 4 week sewing class which will be meeting from 6 - 9 each night. I'm still deciding how to handle food/hunger. I plan to persevere.

I've Been This Way Before

Last night, with 6 points remaining, I treated myself to a cup of Breyer's Light Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. I thoroughly enjoyed it, yet realize I'd be getting rid of the regain faster by not maxing out my points. I also have a sense of good cheer knowing that I can self indulge if I want to. That takes the edge off my chafening under the restrictions of the weight loss process. Also, because Breyer's makes such a quality product, I'm satisfied. I'm not feeling the urge to eat more and more that often follows disappointment.

This morning's weight was 174. That's a half pound more than I was when I returned to a Weight Watcher meeting a little over a year ago. I'm okay with that. And also not quite okay. More important than not maxing out on points with Breyer's ice cream is maintaining my weight loss achievements. I've done that over the last year in a broad sense, but not in reality. In reality, my weight has been as high as 185 and as low as 169 (approx). If I'd really been maintaining my weight losses, I'd now be weighing 15 or 20 pounds (or more) less than I weigh.

174
I've been here before
going up, going down
up again, down again
like an elevator
like the tide
hello 174
and goodbye
my old friend
become the energy
of a brand new day
never to return

Beyond the Absolute

I'm congratulating myself about an off-points foray last night. First of all, the night didn't go as planned. Matt and I had intended to see Brokeback Mountain but were unable to find parking at the Rialto. We didn't want to go downtown, so we decided to see if Flight Plan was in stock at the video store. It wan't. So, despite the clerk's warning that it was "over the top," we got The Aristocrats instead. Big mistake. It was stuffed toilet over the top, seven year old boy laughing at caca over the top. We pressed the eject button after about 15 minutes. By this point, I was about midway between finishing my perfectly "legal" dessert of yogurt mixed with partially frozen strawberries and topped with GoLean Kashil. Matt did some channel surfing and came upon the old movie, North by Northwest with Cary Grant. I finished my dessert and measured out a half cup of Breyer's lite chocolate mint ice cream. This maxed out my points for the day. By now I'd gotten engrossed in the movie and into munchie mode. Into cereal eating mode. And then . . . I had a bowl of GoLean with milk. As I poured it and ate it, I reflected on some comments Twice The Man had made about choices. I realized I had a choice to go off track in a relatively healthful way. It was not a matter of absolute self discipline or total self-sabatage. I've had similar thoughts before, but they've been icy particles of intellect easily melted by my immediate WANT. Last night these thoughts were enlived by the image of the face of a real person going through struggles similar to mine. I had the bowl of Kashi and nothing else. Again, thank you TTM.

Night Time Temptations

Last night I was tempted by some (low cal) chocolate ice cream that Matt was eating. At a
110 calories for half a cup, I can "afford" some when I have a couple of remaining points.
Not having those points, I walked away knowing that I could have the ice cream today. Later (and unrelated to this) I had difficulty falling asleep. I left the bed. I felt like eating cereal. I didn't. Two victories. This morning I weighed 175.5.

Seven Good Things

1. I've remained disciplined in my eating beginning with Monday (1/30/06).
2. Despite all my self indulgent shenanigans, I didn't re-regain 7 of the pounds I'd lost since
starting to get rid of the regain.
3. Even with the regain, I managed to maintain a 7 pound loss of the weight I started
getting rid of on 10/22/01. This is important to me in that people who've managed to get rid of
as much weight as I did (65+ pounds) typically regain all the weight with a bonus and this is
what I've allowed to happen in the past. As of this morning, I weigh 16 pounds less than I
weighed on that late October morning in 2001: 176 today, 192 in 2001.
4. Despite my eating shenanigans, I'm still able to fit into my black "fat" jeans (snuggly).
5. I've been self disciplined today even though hungry around 2 p.m. (because I neglected to
pack a lunch or snack for after my glass class) and even though I did a grocery shop at Olivers on the way home.
6. I've been self disciplined in my eating today. I know that was also number 6, but it
bears (sp?) repeating.
7. I'm back on track!