Consistent Self Indulgence

Too often in the last several weeks, months, years, I’ve deafened myself to my soft affirmations regarding self discipline. I’ve craved the cereal that leads to more cereal that leads to a full blown binge and I’ve given in to these cravings. My weight reflects this. It’s time to be more severe with myself. Affirmations have been very powerful tools when I’ve used them. It does take using them! Instead I’ve blown past the affirmations in my determination to satisfy the whim of the moment. Yesterday and today, I shouted SHUT UP as the whim grew into the certainty of its own satisfaction. Just SHUT UP! No further thought. No analysis. Just SHUT UP! SHUT UP! And I’ve walked away.

Burning Man, my ultimate self indulgence, is just around the corner. I won’t be saying shut up then. But I may do Burning Man differently. With Matt staying home this year, I’ve got more freedom to have Jim Beam as my constant companion. And I give myself permission to do that. But I may also go a different route. Burning Man can be so many different things. This time, I may explore more of the spiritual options than I’ve done in the past. All kinds of people are offering all kinds of experiences of a spiritual nature. Including me, in a way. I’ll be hosting a number of events involving affirmations. I can experience the joyfulness of Burning Man with or without the soft glow of Jim’s presence. No commitments here. Burning Man is a once a year extravaganza. I’ll find out what I'll do when I do it.

It will be back to Weight Watchers in September. Back to those silly meetings. Back to the accountability to a stranger and a card filed among hundreds of other cards. Back to the context within which I’d lost 65+ pounds.

Until then and in these days preceding Burning Man, when I’m tempted to get off track, when it makes perfect sense to allow the “just” that can begin a binge, I will loudly scream SHUT UP!

Consistent Motivation

My discipline maintained until about an hour before I went to bed. Then I allowed myself about 210 grams of Trader Joe’s High Fiber cereal. That’s not too bad a transgression, but having transgressed, I continued on with approx. 2 cups of muesli, a much higher calorie cereal. I ended it all with a hastily consumed banana.

Lesson: I don’t pay attention to my affirmations when I get determined to eat. Today I began anew and, by about 10:30 a.m. was ready to get off track again. I was tired from a sleepless night. I can partially blame the chaos in the Mid East on that. My stress level was ampted up further by this morning’s news: a major airline threat by Islamic terrorists was (thankfully) thwarted. And a project on which I was working was going badly. I was ready to give in with, of course, cereal. Then I decided to delay my gratification. I decided to put it off by a half hour or so. I decided to chew some gum in the meantime. It is now almost half past noon. Now I can have my usual lunch: cottage cheese over fruit topped with 140 grams of TJ’s High Fiber cereal. Delaying gratification, then going for the gum worked this time around.

Tonight will pose its own challenges. My plan is to keep my hands busy doing Burning Man projects while Matt and I watch a video.

What do I Really Want?

I really want to weigh between 127 and 132 pounds.  Most of the time.  In between those “mosts,” I want to eat what I want to eat when I want to eat it.  Unfortunately, getting rid of the regain requires more consistency than that.

My experience with affirmations is that they are powerful tools.  The one I’ve been using for a while is:  I, Arlene, easily attain and maintain a weight of 127 pounds.  Sometimes, when 127 seems more like fantasy than reality, I say 132 pounds.  Despite knowing the power of affirmations, I don’t use them nearly enough.  I’ve long believed that the most important part of my success has to do with what I allow to play out in my mind.  I suspect that’s true for everyone, but I’ll only speak for myself here.  

With all this in mind, I’m modifying my affirmation:

  I, Arlene, EASILY, attain and maintain a weight of 132 pounds.  THIS is what I  
  want!