Defeat For Now.
The title comes from one of Cactus Freek's blog labels. It unfortunately well describes the current state of my self discipline. There are some easy targets wherein I could put blame for my lack of fortitude. Matt's post-op situation following the first of his three spinal operations on Wednesday was more challenging than either of us expected. Now a new rib fracture is causing him constant pain. Matt, therefore, is responsible for my maladaptive behavior. Except that I know better. If I had been disciplined enough and smart enough to build a sufficient history of self discipline beforehand, it would have carried me through the stress of Matt's pre and post operation pains. "Smart enough" really does enter into this. When I choose to take the easiest path in giving into a slight temptation, I put my brain on hold. I lock it in a well insulated box which I put in another box and another box after that. And then I forget where I've hidden the boxes.
With Thanksgorging four days away, I don't see myself becoming self disciplined in the next few days. But why not!!! Even if I'm planning to allow myself to be self indulgent on T-giving, why do I have to compound the damages in the days before the holiday? Even with my brain still in storage, this makes no sense. Okay. There will be some pre-Thanksgiving temptations. Grocery store samples come to mind. But why can't I allow myself the samples without going calorie insane? Because I'm helpless against my own compulsivity; Once I've loosened the restraints, I am programmed to stuff myself to and beyond the point of pain. Even before these self destructive urges have hit me, I've given in to their power to overwhelm my better instincts. If this was war, and it is in a sense, I've declared defeat before even entering into battle.
What I've described as my thinking processes with regard to food makes no sense to me. A change is in order and with it a new approach. Yesterday (or the day before), I received my most recent order from Amazon.com:
Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through the Ways of Animals by Jamie Sams, David Carson, and Angela C. Werne. I think that I will select a card tomorrow and use it as a guide to make better decisions about the food I eat. Perhaps the power of the animals, whether as an archetype, metaphor, or something else, will help me to regain my sanity.
Happy Thanksgorging everyone.
May the day be a good one for you whether you celebrate the holiday or not.
With Thanksgorging four days away, I don't see myself becoming self disciplined in the next few days. But why not!!! Even if I'm planning to allow myself to be self indulgent on T-giving, why do I have to compound the damages in the days before the holiday? Even with my brain still in storage, this makes no sense. Okay. There will be some pre-Thanksgiving temptations. Grocery store samples come to mind. But why can't I allow myself the samples without going calorie insane? Because I'm helpless against my own compulsivity; Once I've loosened the restraints, I am programmed to stuff myself to and beyond the point of pain. Even before these self destructive urges have hit me, I've given in to their power to overwhelm my better instincts. If this was war, and it is in a sense, I've declared defeat before even entering into battle.
What I've described as my thinking processes with regard to food makes no sense to me. A change is in order and with it a new approach. Yesterday (or the day before), I received my most recent order from Amazon.com:
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Happy Thanksgorging everyone.
May the day be a good one for you whether you celebrate the holiday or not.
posted by ArleneWKW at 2:53 PM
11 Comments:
If you behave with your food, while knowing that on the day you can pig out. You may be able to do some damage control BEFORE the day! :o)
Chin up! {{HUGS}}
Holidays are torture.. but if you go at them with the right mind set I think it is possible to survive!
Wogging is fantastic.. and yes, its a mix between walking and jogging. I was getting water under the knee and was causing extreme discomfort...but now that I have found wogging, well, its soooo much better!
I hope Matt heals from his surgeries with ease.
:)
Damage limitation means that while you know there are going to be times when you will go off the rails, you compensate as much as possible wheneverpossible. So if you have 3 healthy meals, then 2nights binge overdosing, that's still better than 3 unhealthy meals as well.
If you put on 5 pounds instead of 10 over Thanksgiving, then you're limiting the damage.
It's a major step forward when you can reach a point where just becuase you lose it one night doesn't mean you have to lose it all week.
Defeat? Are you nuts? You have a lot of stuff to deal with. I wouldn't beat yourself up with scale numbers. Instead, get in a little exercise, even if it's just a short 15 minute walk and some exercise. Also, eat healthy foods. Don't worry about counting the calories. Eating healthy and exercising will go along ways to help dealing with all the stress going on now. Hang in there.
Arlene, sorry for all that you and Matt are going through. It is so hard to eat right when things are so rough. Just do the best you can and try not to overeat, even if what you are eating is not the best choice. At least then you wont stretch out your stomach too much. Happy Thanksgiving to you too. I am planning to Pig out LOL! Hopefully I won't gain back too much weight! Take care
I don't think you should be too harsh on yourself. Stressfull times are when we are all at our weakest.
You are having so much stress in your life that the lack of will power is so understandable.
Remember every defeat is a battle lost but does not necessarily mean you will lose the war.
You'll be ok. I know you can do this. Sorry to hear that Matt's pains were a bit more difficult than you expected. That had to be really tough on you.
Just read over on Matt's blog that he is doing better. I know that has to have you feeling better was well. Have a great Thanksgiving!
Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like an extremely difficult time for you both. Hope things soon improve xx
I hope Matt is doing better. Family health issues are a legitimate source of stress. I hope I am not enabling your over-eating by saying that, but I do understand what you must be going through.
I have those cards - I really enjoy them. I actually collect a variety of tarot cards.
It took me years to get a handle on eating - this time around after 80 weeks and 90 lbs gone so far I'm making progress. Only 50ish more to go. It's not easy - but saving my health is worth it.
Cactusfreek - Damage control as preparation for off track eating is a good way of looking at it.
Tigerlilly - Thanks Tigerlilly. Wogging sounds like it's much better on the bones than jogging.
Kim - I really need to work on that compensation stuff instead of chucking the whole self discipline thing.
Half Man - Thanks for the empathy.
Now if I could just remember to do my best with food + exercise without putting myself in straight jacket with it, I'd be fine.
TexasGirl - I need to try to remember the stomach stretching thing. All too often, I eat when I'm already stuffed.
Mick - You're right about looking at the bigger picture instead of just at the individual battles I've managed to lose. Thanks for your good thoughts.
Cory - Thanks for your thoughts. It has been tough at times. Sometimes there's improvement.
Suzy - I appreciate your kind words. And you're right, I need to be more gentle with myself.
Ironside - Thanks for understanding.
Lady Rose - Welcome to my blog and congratulations on your success. It sounds like you're well on the way to getting rid of that final 50.
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