Paint It Black (for now)
I'm going through a bit of a rough spot right now. My Fall depression has hit me with a whallop. Sometimes it's worse than others. Sometimes I've passed through Fall with little wear and tear. It started on Monday. Matt and I had seen Cold Case the night before. The story line began with a murder at a high school reunion. I found myself involuntarily thinking about high school on Monday. It was a painful period in my life and, at most levels, I've gotten way way passed it. But, it's November. Old hurts become magnified. And in November all previous hurts come to the surface. My failures. My lack of achievements. Never mind that most of the time I look at my life with a great deal of satisfaction about how things turned out. It's not even a thought thing, this Autumn depression of mine. Even with my mind free of all thoughts, I feel this sense of heaviness. Also a sense that vinegar runs through my blood. I've got to find the time to get on the elliptical and start pumping up those endorphins. When the depression hits me like this, all I want to do is crawl in a soft, warm cave (and eat cereal).
posted by ArleneWKW at 7:01 PM
8 Comments:
Sorry to hear you are having some troubles. I'be been affected the same way many years in the past so I have an idea of how you feel. Wish I had awesome suggestions for dealing with it though. The elliptical is a great idea though.
Also sorry to hear about your tough times. But also snickering because I also go to the cereal in my darker times. I wonder why? Totally comfort food.
Please take care of yourself and keep bloggin'! Let us know how you are.
So many of us get an autumn whallop, as you say. Try to inhale deeply and remind yourself to be compassionate of your current state and your history. Sometimes that's all we can offer ourselves. (I have a hard time remembering that, too.)
All other things aside I'm usually fine in November, it's January and February that kill me.
Hope you find a way to crawl through it
When I feel most depressed, I want to hide as well. Then I find I feel worse. Even though you don't feel like being around others, I believe it's important not to isolate yourself. Getting on the eliptical will help too.
It's time to pay the piper. If you know that November is bad for you, then you knew this all year and you knew it was coming if you did not make any progress on your diet.
I know how you feel. For me it is Christmas and the New Year. I have to get something accomplished this year, even if it is one one pound net loss. I hope you will think about that and at least try to get a couple of pounds off so that you can honestly feel that you have made a positive accomplishment.
The sacrifice and effort will be worth it to avoid another year of depression thoughts. Kick depression's ass, it is within your abilities.
Hope tis works as its my 4th attempt to comment on your post in the last couple of days, blogger keeps losing my comment.
Sorry tou are having troubles but just try to stay strong and keep blogging, sometimes just having someone to vent at is good for you and I'm sure we'll all be here to support.
How come Autum is bad for you? I love autum!
Maybe you will it upon yourself to feel bad at the same time every year? You know the time is coming, and you tell yourself, "Here it comes, time for me to get down and out." There's a lot of power in words y'know. You can turn this around.
I hated high school too. I got continualy, mercilessly picked on!
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